The Armed Woman's Attitude Test
printed in "Women & Guns", Dec '91 issue
The media, both entertainment and news, have grotesquely
skewed the public image of women who choose to responsibly own
firearms for self-defense. Unfortunately, constant exposure to
public image can affect self-image. That can be dangerous,
whether the result is a woman who becomes anorexic or a woman who
allows herself to be talked out of exercising her absolute right
to effective personal protection.
This Armed Woman's Attitude Test is offered in the hopes of
putting some of the false images into a proper perspective.
Please circle A, B, or C in answer to each question.
- What is the real meaning of that pink T-shirt with a
revolver on it that says, "The ultimate in feminine
- A. Obviously a plot by seditious gun fanatics from the
- B. Ultimate force equals ultimate personal protection.
- C. A 9mm for "light days" and a .44 Magnum for
- For rape and assault prevention, a whistle is:
- A. All you'll ever need.
- B. Next to useless with nothing to back it up.
- C. The signal to "Fire!"
- The movie _Thelma_&_Louise_ was:
- A. An insidious Hollywood plot to stamp out femininity
and glorify mindless violence by women.
- B. A female buddy film that included allegories of
- C. A training film.
- What was technically wrong with the scene in
_Thelma_&_Louise_ where the two women disarmed a
Texas State Police Officer.
- A. Real women would never do anything as tacky,
tasteless, and altogether gauche as pointing guns at a
man, let alone taking his icky, disgusting gun for their
- B. There is no Texas State Police per se, but rather a
Department of Public Safety that includes a Highway
Patrol; they do not authorize the .45 1911 auto for carry
except by Texas Rangers; the ammo on the officer's belt
was revolver cartridges in single loops, not appropriate
auto pistol ammo in magazines.
- C. The dumb broads left a perfectly good shotgun clamped
to the dashboards of the cruiser.
- A mouse runs across the kitchen floor. The proper
response it to:
- A. Climb onto a high stool and scream for a man to help
- B. Call the exterminator.
- C. Link up the belt feed to the M-60.
- You are discussing the depressing local crime statistics
with your good-hearted neighbor, Ralph, who suggests that
you buy a .25 caliber pistol for home defense. You reply:
- A. "Never! A woman who buys a gun has humiliatingly
surrendered to the evil ethos of mindless macho sexist
- B. "An amusing suggestion, Ralph, but don't you
think it's a little light for the purpose?"
- C. "Only to plant in the dead hand of the next
little weasel stupid enough to give me wimpy advice like
- What is your reaction to the concept of a bra holster?
- A. "Yeech! It would be an obscene juxtaposition of
the icon of death with the symbol of nurturing!"
- B. "Uncomfortable and impractical, designed by males
- C. "Not a bad idea, so long as it doesn't get in the
way when you reach for the MAC-10 submachinegun in your
- Define "male."
- A. The first syllable of "malevolence," which
in turn is only one letter short of "male
- B. An individual of the opposite sex.
- C. A quaint anachronism, once useful for protection of
females, but rendered obsolete by contemporary
- Where, in the scheme of things defensive, do such spray
products as Mace and CapStun belong?
- A. Nowhere! If you just show your attacker compassion and
understanding, you won't need nasty things like that.
- B. At the lower-threat levels of the Use of Force
- C. In the medicine cabinet; real women use mace instead
- You are cornered in your home by a knife-wielding
intruder. He ignores your command to halt, and charges
you with the knife upraised. How many shots should you
- A. None. It would be better to die than sacrifice moral
victory by using "his" kind of force.
- B. As many shots as are necessary to stop the attack.
- C. A minimum of fifty shots. Hey, when is the next time
you'll get a chance like this to express yourself, and
get in touch with your feelings?
Grading the Exam
If 8 or more (80 %) of your answers were "A," it is
time to check into a Reality Clinic. Perhaps the meek will
inherit the earth, but only when the rest of us are done with it.
If 8 or more of your answers were "B," welcome to
the land of the well-adjusted adults who manage their own
responsibilities with an appropriate level of power.
If 8 or more of your answers were "C," don't feel
too bad. Society may not have a place for you, but Hollywood
will, as soon as they start casting for the lead role in Bride
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